Raise your hand if, like me, you come up with some ridiculous New Years resolutions to help better your life… Well this year I have decided to screw the resolutions and make better use of the F-word!
ring..ring… (that’s the telephone)
Telemarketer: Hallo jee, can I please talk to Mr or Mrs &*^%?
Me: F-U!! They died, don’t call back.
Parking Space Loser: Excuse me miss…but that was my parking space…
Me: F-U, I don’t see your name on it…next time drive a little f-ing faster!
Me: Wow, I just cooked the best f-ing meal EVER!! (give myself a pat on the back)
Spouse: I don’t have anymore clean underwear (makes a sad face)
Me: Well I’ll be damned, the dirty underwear monster has struck again. What a f-ing jerk! Off with his f-ing head!
Me: What do you mean I look f-ing 21?